Cancer, Miscarriage and Healing

  July 19, 2016

I’ve sat down to write this blog post many times over the course of the past few months, but each time I struggled to get the words on the screen. I often asked myself, how do I explain my “unexplained” absence over the past year. I think only now, can I really talk about it and express what I want to say with a clear and open mind.

First, I want to say thank you for all of you have sent me messages saying you missed my blog and Facebook posts. It’s because of you that I am back! Seriously! In the world of blogging and Facebook business pages sometimes the long hours it takes to get your point across, follow up on my posts and communicate with my virtual friends can take a toll on you. What a lot of you don’t see behind the scenes in my house is chaotic. Between raising my now almost 4year old (where did the time go?), running my private practice and maintaining my online presence I got run down (okay, trying to train for two triathlons and a half marathon last year too didn’t help).  Last summer, I was diagnosed with a reactivated Epstein-Barr which I never even knew I had. The late nights blogging and doing Facebook posts really was taking a toll on me. It’s for that reason I started to scale back my posting.

I planned to take a few months off and be back and better than ever, but I what I didn’t know was God had other plans for me. At the end of last year my husband went in for a lump on his throat. We thought it was a cyst that got infected, but after numerous tests, second and third opinions we learned he had thyroid cancer. It took us by surprise and it was scary. The first surgery was what brought on the diagnosis and led us to the severity of the tumor. The tumor had grown into his neck and chest wall cavity. We are blessed to live so close to a top notch hospital Upenn, because after the first failed surgery, he was led to the best of the best. It was a very complicated surgery, but he came out of with a positive outcome. He underwent radioactive iodine treatment a few months ago and we will find out in the next two weeks if it worked. Fingers Crossed!

What some of you may not know about me, its that I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and it makes it hard for me to get pregnant and stay pregnant. If a cancer diagnosis wasn’t enough, I found out I was pregnant the day after we were told my husband had cancer. As you can imagine, it only heightens the fear around his diagnosis. You start asking yourself, what will I do if something happens to him? My husband was so happy for a second baby, I truly believe it was what helped him to get through the surgery and recovery process. Early ultrasounds showed everything was fine, but I always had this lingering feeling that something was wrong with the baby. Unfortunately, my fears were true and I had a miscarriage. Testing showed the baby had Trisomy 22 – a first trimester fatal defect. It felt like just when you didn’t think you could get hit any harder you could and it was tough! I’m not sure if any of you are spiritual or not, but years ago I read the book by Lorna Brynes called Angels in my Hair. It has a section in the book that addresses the unborn baby. I am grateful to have read this so many years ago because while it doesn’t make the miscarriage any easier it did help me to understand that this unborn child was a gift to us and a way for my husband to cope with his diagnosis and recovery. Believe me, it doesn’t make it easier (as I type this with tears in my eyes), but it does make me understand.

After some therapy, meditation and soul searching, I realize that I need to be back and spreading my message about developing a healthy relationship with food for both children and adults. In this crazy food/diet world we are living in, the stress of feeding ourselves and our families has become so much more complicated. So…today is the first day of blogging again and I look forward to bringing you all more positive feeding and eating messages in the near future!

Thank you again for bearing with me over the past year and for all the support!




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